What is the Orgasm Gap?
What is the Orgasm Gap?
The Orgasm Gap, also known as the Pleasure Gap, refers to the fact that heterosexual men have much more orgasms that heterosexual women. Lesbians also have more orgasms than heterosexual women. Pleasure is your birth rite and although you don't need to orgasm to experience pleasure, it's always good to try!
What are the stats on Orgasming?
It was once believed that the clitoris' only purpose was for pleasure.
More recent scientists disagree but we can all agree that our bodies were made with pleasure in mind. The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings. The penis head has about 4,000. But even with double the amount of nerve endings, over 35% of women are not orgasming during sex.
After surveying men and women who have consistent sex with a partner, 95% of heterosexual men said they usually orgasm. 85% of lesbian women said they usually orgasm, but only 65% of heterosexual women usually orgasm. 10% of women have never orgasmed at all and that number may be higher among older women. Hopefully this article can help decrease the Orgasm Gap because sex should be fun!
Why are heterosexual women having so little orgasms?
There are a plethora of reasons as to why heterosexual women are having so little orgasms. Lack of sexual education is a major reason. The clitoris is the primary source of pleasure for most women. Many women require clitoris stimulation in order to orgasm but one study showed that 31% of men can't locate the clitoris. You read that right. More than 30% of grown men are having sex without ever touching the clit.
Other reasons include:
- Lack of sufficient foreplay. It takes time for women to get turned on adequately. Foreplay should last at LEAST 20 minutes.
- Mindfulness. It's hard for women to orgasm when they are dealing with stress related to childcare, relationships, finances, and their career.
- Unknowledgeable or selfish partners. You gave them the game plan and they went astray. These are the partners who ignore your reminder that you like your titties sucked and get straight to the jack hammer stroke. Unsurprisingly, these tend to be the men on social media complaining about how all the women they have sex with have dry vaginas. Please refrain from having sex with selfish lovers.
- Not speaking up for yourself. At the end of the day, you have to prioritize your pleasure. If you refuse to explore your body and what turns you on, it will be impossible to tell your partner what you need.
How Can we Close the Orgasm Gap?
Education and communication are key when closing the Orgasm Gap. Knowing the female anatomy is important. Paying attention to the clit and playing around with the various ways to touch, kiss, lick, and engage with the clitoris is one of the easiest ways to close the Orgasm gap. And although most women love the extra attention to their clitoris, all women are different. Learn your body. Self-pleasure is one of the best ways to figure out what really turns you on. Learning your partner's body and what turns them on is super important.
Foreplay should last at least 20 minutes. Foreplay can start hours before sex begins. A flirty text, a quick massage, or even kinky play fighting can be considered foreplay. More intimate forms of foreplay can be kissing, cuddling, playing sex games, touching your partner's body with ice, hot-candle massages, and more.
Being Mindful During Sex
Life can be a bit stressful. We may have obligations to our families, children, work, and friends that keep us super busy and scrambling to find time to ourselves. Creating boundaries is very important. Choosing partners that respect our self-care practices and that do things to lessen our stress is ideal. Outsourcing some of our responsibilities to maids, nannies, and virtual assistants can really help us lead healthier lives.
During sex we can practice mindfulness by engaging with our five senses. Begin by focusing on your breathing and allow yourself to take in your surroundings. Light candles or sultry smelling incense to help keep you in the mood. Allow your lover to feed you strawberries and whipped cream. Take in the beauty of their body and yours. Don't focus on orgasming, focus on your pleasure and what feels good.
Find out the root of your anxiety. Sometimes we have to deal with the issues outside of the bedroom in order to feel comfortable inside the bedroom.
Unknowledgeable and/or Selfish Partners
It's okay to teach your partner what turns you on. A friend of mine read in Cosmo that men loved to have the head of their penis sucked and tickled. She just knew that her man would love it when she did it. He didn't. He said it gave him too much sensations and was not pleasurable for him. This is a perfect lesson that we read online isn't enough. We have to take it person by person. Ask them what they like and what they would like to explore and then do it. If you've told your partner what you like and they have consistently made it clear that they don't care about your pleasure, leave them alone.